Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
