and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
