We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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