tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
