we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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