I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
