if i can run in heels then i can drive
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
