You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
