She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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