im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
