Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
