I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
