i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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