Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
