enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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