I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
