remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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