the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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