Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
