We're facebook friends in real life
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
