don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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