bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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