i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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