Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
