you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
