I need to stop coming to work sober
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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