accomplished twins. life is a go
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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