I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
