so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
