xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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