i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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