dude i'm inner monologue high
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
