Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
