Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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