And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
