My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm always down for nudity.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
