Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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