This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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