I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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