I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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