can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
