Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
