Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
