So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
