Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
