why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
