DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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