hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
