Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
