You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
