I need help removing her.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
