we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
