I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
