white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
