how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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